


War Of Hearts

by Yu_and_Pooh



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Falling In Love, Friendship, M/M, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 17:51:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17125991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yu_and_Pooh/pseuds/Yu_and_Pooh
Summary: “Even though I won this time, you are always the champion in my heart.”Maybe I took those words too seriously. Maybe, for you, I’m just a good friend, that one whom you can always count on, who will always help you, but nothing beyond that. Maybe loving you so much and had wait for the day you’d love me back was my mistake… And now… It’s the end.





	War Of Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> So... Hi everyone! :3  
> This is my first fanfic ever and I wrote it months ago but i'm only posting it now, also english is not my first language so please forgive any mistakes! 
> 
> I hope you like it! <3  
> I wrote this while i was listening to Ruelle - War of Hearts, so the title comes from that song.

Maybe you just don’t know how meaningful you are, how essential to me you’ve become for all these years and it wasn’t easy to hear those words right after the final result.

_“Maybe this were my last Olympics.”_

How could I deal with them? How could I keep the smile on my face after hearing this? What reaction could I have other than denying and holding you in disbelief while the smile slowly died on my lips?

_“I… I can’t do it without you!”_

Oh Javi… I’ve should known that even after six years no matter how much I’d tried, I would never occupy the place I aim in your heart, right? First was Miki Ando, the famous Japanese figure skater and her daughter that you adopted like if it was yours… I clearly remember when you came after me the day you had break up, I wish I could take your sorrow, but instead I comforted you and said that everything was gonna be okay. I was so naive thinking that maybe I would have any chance, to think that, somehow, you would feel the same. And then, she appeared a month later; Spaniard, brunette and pretty. Marina, was her name. I still can see your smile that day when you showed up so excited in the locker room and told me you was seeing someone and showed me the her photo. Between all the things I’d had been through nothing was so hard as keep the smile in my face while my heart was broken once again, but you didn’t had way of knowing, right? I never had the courage to tell you how I feel. To tell you how essential you are in my life.

_“You are so bad!”_

You, Javier Fernandez.  You, who made me happy but destroyed me at the same time. Who made me smile with joy at seeing you on the podium with the bronze medal and then broke me into a thousand pieces with your words. I know, and I can understand that you’re a twenty six years old men and things are already more difficult, the jumps have become more complicated and all the other things of the new generation of skaters but ... You will return to Spain with Marina and your family, happy. But… How about me? How do I stay? How to  my days without my so important friend, my "Habi", my love? Without having your presence and your jokes all the time; without seeing your beautiful and contagious smile that used to warm me up inside? How to move on if you was always my inspiration, my safe place and my reason to had asked Brian to coach me?

_“Even though I won this time, you are always the champion in my heart.”_

Maybe I took those words too seriously. Maybe, for you, I’m just a good friend, that one whom you can always count on, who will always help you, but nothing beyond that. Maybe loving you so much and had wait for the day you’d love me back was my mistake… And now… It’s the end. It’s all over. I can’t control the tears running desperately trough my face, I can’t control my body that automatically look for the comfort that only yours can give me for one last time. Your warm embrace that always welcomed me knowing I would never have it again, and no matter how many thousands of cameras were recording to us, that your girlfriend was watching you from the audience, I had already lost control of my emotions. I had already lost you, even though people say you can’t lose what you never had. At that moment my only wish was that tomorrow would not come, so I could have you for a little longer, for one more night. But tomorrow came, and with it came the final goodbye when at the airport a long hug brought us together for the last time. And, at that moment I knew that no matter what I’d said or what I did, nothing would change your mind. Nothing would keep you training in Toronto, for more two or three years. Not when you already had a reason in Madrid. And… I wouldn’t be selfish enough to ask you to stay for me.

_“Aishiteru, Jabi.”_

And so, with a broken whisper by the lump in the throat, I said goodbye. My lips quickly sealed your cheek for the first and last time before I turn my back and go ahead towards the boarding gate where the Japanese federation was waiting for me. Maybe the tears that blurred my eyes had make me see a confused look on your face, a tip of pain and despair, but… perhaps it’s only me, imagining things. Maybe you don’t know how powerful and meaningful are this word, but with it I left my heart, or at least what’s have left… It has always been yours and will always be.

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Please, let me know what you think, ok? And thank you so much for reading! <3


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